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If you (or a friend) had a small child (5-6 years old) whose grandparent died, would you take (or think that the parent should take) them to the funeral?

 

Couple of things to consider are that the child and grandparent have a relationship.  (See each other enough that child knows the grandparent as opposed to the grandparent being just some person named "Grandpa.")  The child knows that the grandparent has died, but obviously doesn't fully grasp the concept of death.

 

I want to know what you all think about this.

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IMO

I think it is important to take them, NOT shelter them.!!

When they grow up they will be pissed that they never got to go, and pay their last respects. (in their own way)

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When I was about 6 my Grandfather died and I did not go to the funeral. But I remember going to a after get together. I knew and realized what happened at the get together. But I don't feel like I messed something from not going to the funeral.

 

But with my kids I don't think I would let them go just because they might be confused or much more sad about it and I wouldn't be able to control the situation for them. I would rather ease the death to them and be able to explain it. If you haven't been to a funeral they can be very emotional.

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I believe they are too young to view a dead body at that age. Why scar them at an early age. I am not saying shelter the child either. Keep their innocence as long as you can before showing them how harsh the world really is.

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They don't have to go up and view the casket. I've taken my son to 3 or 4 funerals in the past 2 years and he's 5 now. At his age, he kinda gets the dead thing but it just doesn't seem that emotions are really attached.

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Yea i understand the open casket thing.. that could be a bit much for a child.. i wasn't thinking of that, but i would still take them, but maybe keep them at a distance. (or if it is a closed casket or cremation)

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A 5 year old does NOT belong at funerals.  They dont truly understand death and what it means.  Explain that the person is in heaven now (the whole better place looking down on them forever speach) and will always be a part in their lives just on another level.  The memories a 5 year old should have of their special grandparents will be in all the photos they shared together.

 

Just my 2 cents and Im sorry if it comes off wrong, but this recently was a big issue within our "extended" family and I couldnt disagree more with bringing children to places like that.  It accomplishes nothing.

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I'm going with Wiz, on this one HipChick... (sheesh I can't believe I'm agreeing with Wiz!) ..

 

The burial IMO isn't as bad but a wake or funeral with an open casket for a five year old is just (again my opinion) a bit too young.. the child simply won't understand the implications and you risk some emotional trauma from it. An older child in grade school may be able to handle it but I think a pre-school age is too young, while I agree it's important to learn we all live and die, but at five it's also important they get a chance to live the childhood they deserve, there is plenty of time to learn about life and death later.

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Goat ]

I'm going with Wiz, on this one HipChick... (sheesh I can't believe I'm agreeing with Wiz!) ..

 

It was just a matter of time.....  Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

 

 

Goat ]

but at five it's also important they get a chance to live the childhood they deserve, there is plenty of time to learn about life and death later.

 

I agree completely.....  I didnt allow my daughter to watch the evening news (rape / murder / shootings).  Sure is was all reality that they'll have to deal with someday but I agree with the above part of Goat's quote.  Let em be kids, that time goes fast enough.  There will be plenty of time to deal with this other junk later.

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I would not take the child to the funeral. Just like everyone said it can do more harm then good. They will understand when their older. Their too young to cope with it now.

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Guest KingJunk

Well, my mother just passed February 5, and I took my 7 year old son to the funeral, and I am glad I did. He got a chance to say goodbye to his Grandma one more time and even colored a picture for her and put it in the coffin.

 

As for him he was upset at the funeral, but not too much longer after that he was playing and being a kid again, and he is still doing just fine. So, I don't see no harm being done, although they are going to be sad at the funeral, but once you get to the place where you are going after the funeral and if there is other kids there the child will be playing and having fun well at least that's how it was for my son and the other kids there.

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Guest SaTAnS_SoUlJa

Who isnt sad at a funeral? Its not like the kid is watching someone die. He gets to say goodbye to grandpa....I think its important for him to see his grandpa once more....otherwise its just like Granpa disappeared out of nowhere.....that could lead to things like feeling like he got abandoned, and whatnot ..... I would take him....A funeral is a celebration of someone going to a better place.... There is alot of grief in the air but there is also alot of love, thats also important for the kid....Take him..

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Every child is different, you must evaluate the childs ability to understand the circumstances around death.......if they can comprehend whats going on bring them. But if they are just shown a dead body in a casket, it could be detramental.......I would say bring them but not force them to walk up there. I would focus the trip on the rememberence part.....I.E. the wake and his life he lead

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saint52 ]

Every child is different, you must evaluate the childs ability to understand the circumstances around death.......if they can comprehend whats going on bring them. But if they are just shown a dead body in a casket, it could be detramental.......I would say bring them but not force them to walk up there. I would focus the trip on the rememberence part.....I.E. the wake and his life he lead

Good points.!

 

Forcing them to see a body is the wrong way.. but making sure they understand is what is important.

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How about you ask them if they want to go? I didn't go to my first funeral until I was 18 and that was a cremation. I couldn't stop from crying the whole time, It was just uncontrolable and not something I could have handled at a younger age. But I think the way to go is to ask them. I guess I'm an adult but still fresh so I feel like a kid sometimes. That is the problem parents ask other parents/adults what to do, why not ask the kids.

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