Advice

[Tri-Cannon]

Ok. First of all i know this is a weird question to ask but even though i'm back together with my girl i'm still disgusted with myself. Has anyone ever cheated or been cheated on and still made their relationship work? I ask this cause this weekend i fucked up and cheated on my girlfriend, I'm honestly not that kind of guy i don't know what happened but i do know its no excuse i was as drunk as i have ever been. I told her and she wouldn't talk to me i talked her last night and she said she didn't think she could do it. I just told her things that we had been through happy things made her laugh and then she said fine she will give it a try we kissed everything seems to be going on the write track. The only thing is i can't do nothing....i feel like shit, I love her so much and i think i'm being selfish and not being the nice guy i should by not saying what i'm actually thinking which is I fucked up and i don't deserve to have you back. I can't bring myself to do that this girl means absolutely everything to me and just to be with her i through away a two year relationship. I was wondering has anyone gone through cheating is it possible to make it work. Cause i fucked up i'm having trouble forgiving myself and yeah...i'm not that kind of guy. Any help would be necessary feel free to call me a moron as i know i am one.

[Red0ctobeR]

So how about those bears everyone? :-\

[Tri-Cannon]

I know weird post but i need some advice i know this community is closed and has helped others through there good times and bad. I'm just looking for a little advice. I know its sappy yada yada whatever but what would you guys do if you were losing you wife or your girlfriend that you love more than anything. You going to watch her walk away or you going to fight for her?

[SOTG Savage]

Alright buddy heres the deal. I've been cheated on in every relationship that I've ever had, except one. Even my wife cheated on me. On my first deployment we were newly weds and she cheated on me. We have been married for 2 and a half years now. I love my wife and for that reason is the only reason we are still together. Heres my advise. Do something nice for her. I dont know how old you are, but if your an adult, take her somewhere(for example, a cruise or something like that). I know this stuff is expensive but she may come to realize that you dont love her since you cheated on her, so you have to do something big to show that you do. Using money you dont have may put you behind but if this is the girl you plan on being with for the rest of you life, it will be worth it. I understand that your not the kind of person who does that to girls but knowing my friends for as long as I have, thats the hardest one. After you cheat once, your moral situation changes, you start thinking, "I've done it once, why cant I do it again" whenever you have a fight with her. Personally I have never cheated on a g/f or my wife, had several chances to, but after seeing how much it hurts to have it done to me, I cant bring myself to do it to anyone(even the girls I hate now for doing it). So, in summary, heres what you need to do, reject even the thoughts of doing it again so you stay out of trouble and do something big(or even nice that has meaning) to show her how sorry you are and how much you care for her. Even if it's something personal, something that you dont feel comfortable doing(IE: going with her to support her at a funeral). This may sound crazy but showing her that you will do something you dont want to do to make her feel better will help the cause. I hope this dont sound crazy and helps.

 

Sav

[Red0ctobeR]

Ya sorry tri. Just me being a dick again. My apologies

[Guest [iLL] Andawg]

MORON!  

 

   A man is not measured by his mistakes, but how he overcomes them. Your mistake will always be there, and that's the baggage you two will have forever. If you are truthful in your claim that you are not "that guy" and you have asked for forgiveness and don't do it again, then you'll be fine.

 

   Now the bigger issue, was she worth it?  , See this is where the trouble with getting drunk and cheating, "Beer Goggles"

[Tri-Cannon]

It was with my ex....And hell no from what i can remember the sex sucked i have never been that drunk/stoned. I was really messed up. Sav i appreciate that and she has told her parents and all her friends her baseball team everyone hates me understandably and i'm still going to be here and still even though everyone hates me stand by her side and show them otherwise as for the cruise i can't do it. I will come up with something i already wrote a long as letter she is going away for school only about an hour from me and i can go see her whenever but i want to move there so i think my first step is i'm going to by a car and move closer to her show her i want to be with her. I don't know why i cheated i really don't but i regret it every second i haven't been to work in about 4 days now been lying to my boss. I don't care if i get fired but i am having the hardest days. We text each other alot and all her texts used to end with i love you or xoxox i have so many of them locked of things she said that no one else has ever. I am that nice guy who always finished last now that i've come in first i fucked up and should i be worried she is not saying i love you right away or? Is that something i'm going to have to give her sometime to be able to say. I also want to say when i'm with her i still make her laugh and smile, its when i'm not with her i worry she is going to just see me and the other girl. I was with her last night made her feel happy seen her laugh again, thing is she is going away on a ball tournament for a week and i only get to see her once before she leaves and i might be working that day!

[SOTG Savage]

If shes as important as you say, take that day off, call in sick, something, just dont go to work that day and spend that time w/ her. She may go off for that week and all her friends may make her realize she dont want to be with you. So you have to show her before she leaves that you still want her. Now by spend time w/ her, I dont mean take her to your place and "*&^ her, I mean, do something she wants, go shopping or something.......yuck......Or even better, take her to the batting cages and let her let out her anger in the cage. Thats all I can give you, the rest is up to you.

 

Sav

[Tri-Cannon]

Thanks. I appreciate everything!

[Guest Skipper]

To me it sounds like you might be too young to worry about it. That's not insulting your age but think about this. Lets say you marry this girl one day, you're going to be in your late thirties having a few beers with your friends and talking about your younger days. What you did is going to be no more than an afterthought.

 

I wouldnt beat myself up over it if I were you. You've got a ball tournament coming up, worry about that.

[Guest H.A.V.0.C]

Oh god is this Marksman? Remember him TOW?..LOL

[TOW-19]

H.A.V.0.C ]

Oh god is this Marksman? Remember him TOW?..LOL

 

DON'T get me started.

LOL

 

All joking aside.....alcohol brings out the TRUE person you are. NOT the one you try so hard to be in the business/regular world. People who act out when their drinking is the person that they WOULD be if society didn't instill inhibitions. So what are you gonna do now? Never drink again? Never get drunk again? Because you can't trust yourself?

 

You got drunk, you banged some other girl, and you paid the price for it.

First off, as stated above, LIVE with your mistake.....but then AFTER that, don't lie to yourself.

They don't say "a leopard never changes its spots" for nothing.

SOMETHING inside you drove you to do what you did that night. Don't blame the alcohol. The alcohol was just the catalyst. You did what your mind and body WANTED to do. Something inside of you said "I KNOW I have a 2 yr relationship with someone.....but SOMETHINGS about it are worth the risk of getting caught." And then you fucked someone else.

 

You did it once, you may be VERY prone to do it again.

BEFORE you get back together with your girl whom I assume you've hurt dearly, you had better not just promise her (because those CAN be broken), but promise YOURSELF, that this will never happen again. Because if it does, or CAN, then the word you gave her will not mean shit a second time around.

If you think you CAN do this again, then don't tell her it won't. You'll not just ruin the trust she has in you, but the trust she may never establish with ANY other guy in her life after that if things don't work out between you two. Don't do that to someone.

 

If you feel you still CAN potentially have it in you to cheat again, no matter if you're drunk, stoned or on some deserted island, then DON'T get back together with her. At least not now.

Get it out of your system. Work on your character. Practice your self-restraint. Whatever you need to do to make SURE that when you guys are back together again, you're getting back together with some sanity and not the gloom of "will he do that again / will I do that again?"

 

Just my advice.

From experience.

I, too, once fucked up and then thought I was done fucking up.

I wasn't...and hurt someone beyond our OWN years, and into the years she would try to spend with another.

And you are NO ONE important enough to affect someone else's life to that capacity.

Trust is disappointingly such a fleeting commodity in our generation and time.

[SNIPER]

H.A.V.0.C ]

Oh god is this Marksman? Remember him TOW?..LOL

 

LOL! Funny you mention that because I think he just signed up on the forum.....lol! Different screen name but I recognized his real name in his e-mail. Welcome back Marksman!

 

 

And my advice to go along with Tow's is probably the number one thing: Forgive yourself. Seems like you are having a hard time doing that. It may take some time but at least you admit that you messed up but if you ever have any hope of making things work, you are going to have to learn how to forgive yourself, otherwise no matter what you try to do to make things work, they won't. You'll just push that self guilt onto her.

[Guest Skipper]

I respectfully disagree with almost everything Tow says as applied to this specific example. Your profile says your 19. I'm 31 now and would be more likely to heed Tow's advice, but at 19, I'd fuck a garden snake if I could hold it down.... ;D

[UNCLE-SID25]

I think your too emotionally invested. Unless there are kids involved I would try and look at the big picture here. It was something that happened- While you feel it has put you in a horrible spot, it is but one small time in your long life. The Truth is you will have worse happen at sometime I am sure. Take this as a learning experience, move on and if the person does not forgive you- Do you really NEED to be with that person?

US25

[Tri-Cannon]

I want to thank all of you for your advice....i'm heading over to her house right now....as i am putting myself through this at such a young age its because this girls is unbelievable and were still so young. She will sleep over and play video games hang out with my brother me and her and just relax and have some good fun i've never met a girl who was so beautiful and did so much for me in so little time....being together we have both almost lost each other forever as we both were in car accidents in the first month of dating and both totaled are cars making us see how much more we loved each other and how scared we were to loose one another. There has been alot of issues with her parents not liking me because the accident didn't help and they think i'm a drug dealer cause her mom heard me say the drop is in ten minutes...i'm pretty sure i was talking to my buddy saying the game or war was in ten minutes as we were in Black 2 at that time and it was a war night. So its been a wild adventure and i'm about to put myself through hell for this girl...her parents hate me but i don't care they probably don't even want to look at me her friends hate me everyone on her end hates me and i'm going to be there and stick it out and get what i deserve i don't want to give up. I know it will not happen again! I can swear that on my life.

[Red0ctobeR]

One thing I want to add is. Do you want to get baack with her because you feel guilty, or becuase you really want to get back together with her? I completely agree with tow, you need to understand you betrayed one thing that a woman needs more than anything in a relationship...Trust. In my experience women look for a few things in a man that we really don't think of. One is stability the other is Trust. This is what I have found may not be the same for everyone.

 

But you betrayed that and one thing you need to do is some work on yourself and make things right for you. You saay you fucked up and you feel terrible, GOOD, you did a terrible thing. Something that many other people have been able to avoid their entire life. So you do some soul searching and figure out what is best for you and her. If things work out then it was meant to be. If not you are still young and apparently still alot of garden snakes out there. LOL

 

This may sound harsh but try to imagine it froma fathers perspective. His daughter is in pain because of you. Think about it. Take from it what you will but just be careful. The next step is important. Good luck

[TOW-19]

Skipper ]

I respectfully disagree with almost everything Tow says as applied to this specific example.  Your profile says your 19.  I'm 31 now and would be more likely to heed Tow's advice, but at 19, I'd fuck a garden snake if I could hold it down.... ;D

 

LOL....I had not taken the time to check this guy's age.

That being the case, I will now revise my advice to:

 

"Good job on the double-dickin'. You have notched another one onto the bedpost of life's memory, a scene you should remember and savor for those cold, lonely days when you're 70 and the dick don't work anymore. There will be MANY more after this one...so have fun."

 

Wish I knew that in the beginning....I wouldn't have typed so much. LOL

[Red0ctobeR]

LOL and you made me agree with you. Great ;D

[18WolfD]

Age is completely irrelevant, now in this day in age there are a lot of people getting married at that age and has been that way for some time now. Regardless of your age or being married if your with someone with or without a ring you still have committed to this person with all that's within you. If you cheat lust whatever all these things apply whether your married or not. You messed, up or did you? How much could you really care if you were able to be with someone else? Ask yourself that? People make mistakes, yes, but the are also greedy.

 

You will be prone to wanting to do this again everytime you see that perfectly round booty, I mean her beauty, or whatever else that may attract you to them. However it is what you do from this moment that will make the lasting impression. Expect her to not believe you when you say something, or tell her that your going somewhere, or even when you tell her how much you care about her. The trick is not only saying it but showing it more with your actions.

 

It sounds like you all need to have a nice long talk however painful it might be, that's what I would suggest to be the first step.

 

While overseas I saw so many of my fellow service members going through hell over there as we were, to only find out that their wife back home is screwing Sancho (that bastard) and taking all their money and leaving them with nothing. In fact, in 2003 after returning from Iraq one of my Marines killed himself because of this. So just think about things like this before acting impulsive or just stupid and think about what it will do to the other person.

 

Being drunk is no excuse and as far as what TOW said about it bringing out the real person that you are, I couldn't disagree more. If you would like to know the affects of alcohol then go and read about it, I would suggest out of a psych book. But don't ever blame it upon anything else except for stupidity or selfishness.

 

You messed up and if you care just try and fix it by showing her that she is important to you and you didn't realize this truly unfortunately until this ordeal.

 

Be real in life, say what you mean and mean what you say! If your not true and real to yourself then you will not be with anyone else. Take pride in being one of honor and integrity rather than one that is proud of having another notch on their belt. That's not cool at all.

 

WOLF

[chris_pheonix7]

one thing that no one brought up was if you screwed your ex because maybe you still want to be with her, just a thought?

[18WolfD]

LOL, very possible.

[Guest H.A.V.0.C]

Undertow ]

Skipper ]

I respectfully disagree with almost everything Tow says as applied to this specific example. Your profile says your 19. I'm 31 now and would be more likely to heed Tow's advice, but at 19, I'd fuck a garden snake if I could hold it down.... ;D

 

LOL....I had not taken the time to check this guy's age.

That being the case, I will now revise my advice to:

 

"Good job on the double-dickin'. You have notched another one onto the bedpost of life's memory, a scene you should remember and savor for those cold, lonely days when you're 70 and the dick don't work anymore. There will be MANY more after this one...so have fun."

 

Wish I knew that in the beginning....I wouldn't have typed so much. LOL

LMFAO!!! Greatness!

[Tri-Cannon]

I thought that and i said something to my ex....but i know in my heart i don't want to be with my ex.. And when i see my future i only see my current girlfriend. I just got home from spending a couple hours with her. We laid together on her couch and she fell asleep while i held her and i made sure everytime she woke up i was looking at her i just laid there while she slept it was awesome....as gay as it might sound there is nothing more perfect she kissed me and i think she is remembering the guy she met...not the guy that made the mistake. So all the advice that has been said i appreciate everything and i am working on this and giving her everything i got my next step is i might make a photo album and i know for sure saturday night i'm making her dinner from scratch.

 

[chris_pheonix7]

for her your gonna need a whole side of beeeef!!!