Joke

[[101]DETROITFAN]

this was posted on our boards and i liked it so much i thought y'all would like to see it.

 

>>These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and

>are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down

>and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying

>calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

> >

> >

> > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the

>impact?

> > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

> > ______________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your

>memory at

> > all?

> > WITNESS: Yes.

> > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

> > WITNESS: I forget.

> > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of

>something you

> > forgot?

> > _____________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies

>in his

> > sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

> > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

> > ____________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

> > WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?

> > ______________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was

>August 8th?

> > WITNESS: Yes.

> > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

> > WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!

> > ______________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

> > WITNESS: Yes.

> > ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

> > WITNESS: None.

> > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

> > WITNESS: Are you shittin ' me? Your Honour, I think I need

>a

> > different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

> > ______________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

> > WITNESS: By death

> > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

> > WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

> > ______________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

> > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

> > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

> > WITNESS: Guess.

> > _____________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to

>a

> > deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

> > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

> > ______________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you

>performed on

> > dead people?

> > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

>Would

> > you like to rephrase that?

> > ______________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school

>did you

> > go to?

> > WITNESS: Oral.

> > ______________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the

>body?

> > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

> > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

> > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I

>was

> > doing an autopsy on him!

> > ____________________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

> > WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

> > ______________________________________

> > And the best for last:

> > ______________________________________

> > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check

> > for a pulse?

> > WITNESS: No.

> > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

> > WITNESS: No.

> > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

> > WITNESS: No.

> > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when

> > you began the autopsy?

> > WITNESS: No.

> > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

> > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

> > ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been

>alive,

> > nevertheless?

> > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

[SOTG Savage]

lmao........I finally got around to reading all of these........these lawyers are too much LOL

[o-BacklasH-o]

LOL That is great! Nice find!

[SOTG Zero]

LMAO.. The last is definitely the best...