[101]DETROITFAN Posted September 17, 2007 Report Posted September 17, 2007 this was posted on our boards and i liked it so much i thought y'all would like to see it. >>These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and >are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down >and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying >calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. > > > > > > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the >impact? > > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. > > ______________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your >memory at > > all? > > WITNESS: Yes. > > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? > > WITNESS: I forget. > > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of >something you > > forgot? > > _____________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies >in his > > sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? > > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? > > ____________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? > > WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? > > ______________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was >August 8th? > > WITNESS: Yes. > > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? > > WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid! > > ______________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? > > WITNESS: Yes. > > ATTORNEY: How many were boys? > > WITNESS: None. > > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? > > WITNESS: Are you shittin ' me? Your Honour, I think I need >a > > different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? > > ______________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? > > WITNESS: By death > > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? > > WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? > > ______________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? > > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. > > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? > > WITNESS: Guess. > > _____________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to >a > > deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? > > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > > ______________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you >performed on > > dead people? > > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. >Would > > you like to rephrase that? > > ______________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school >did you > > go to? > > WITNESS: Oral. > > ______________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the >body? > > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. > > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? > > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I >was > > doing an autopsy on him! > > ____________________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > > WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? > > ______________________________________ > > And the best for last: > > ______________________________________ > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check > > for a pulse? > > WITNESS: No. > > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? > > WITNESS: No. > > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? > > WITNESS: No. > > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when > > you began the autopsy? > > WITNESS: No. > > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? > > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. > > ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been >alive, > > nevertheless? > > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law Quote
SOTG Savage Posted September 23, 2007 Report Posted September 23, 2007 lmao........I finally got around to reading all of these........these lawyers are too much LOL Quote
o-BacklasH-o Posted September 23, 2007 Report Posted September 23, 2007 LOL That is great! Nice find! Quote
SOTG Zero Posted September 23, 2007 Report Posted September 23, 2007 LMAO.. The last is definitely the best... Quote
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