How to tell my female friend....

[[RIP]saint52]

Burn his house down:)

[Guest KingJunk]

saint52 ]

Burn his house down:)

 

Then he would move in with her >

[Pvt.-Jackson]

Junk just have a three some with her and your wife already!! Problem solved.

[Rage75]

Snake Doctor ]

I don't know about you guys and your friends, but my friends are part of my family. I will step up and protect them any time and any where. And if that means I have to apologize to them for interferring in their business then so be it. Maybe I'm the only one here that's like that? If so then I wont expect anyone to understand. But I decided long ago that I'd rather have a small number of super close friends than to have a large number of acquaintance's.

 

Dang, I just read this thread and really shocked at a lot of the replies. BOU I agree completely with you. Friends don't ignore friends. Granted it's HER decision, it's HER life, but holy crap, you are HER friend. Why would you not give your opinion especially if you think she's making a mistake ... is that not what friends do ? In the end, it's her call, but personally, I respect and value my friends input, advice, and opinions on A LOT of things, especially relationships. Sorry if I offend many of you but I really wouldn't consider you that close of a friend if you'd just sit back and watch me make what could be mistakes like that.....in my book, true friends don't pull the "it's none of my business" ...."do what ya want" card very often.

[HippieChik]

-Rage- ]

Why would you not give your opinion especially if you think she's making a mistake ... is that not what friends do?  In the end, it's her call, but personally, I respect and value my friends input, advice, and opinions on A LOT of things, especially relationships.

 

We all appreciate our friends opinions on a lot of things, WHEN WE ASK.

 

-Rage- ]

... I really wouldn't consider you that close of a friend if you'd just sit back and watch me make what could be mistakes like that..... .

 

It has been my experience in life and as a parent that REGARDLESS of what kind of input, advice, or opinions you give a person about any situation that they may be in (especially crappy relationships), people have to go through it and learn for themselves.  You can talk until you are blue in the face and VERY rarely will someone decide based on your "opinion" that they will follow your advice and do.  If King told his friend today, "Your boyfriend is a loser and you need to dump him because you deserve better," I highly doubt  she would say, "Yeah, ok, you're right!"  and then dump the boyfriend.  Why do you think that therapists never tell a person what they should do?  They lead/guide people to the solution through thought provoking questions and conversation.  They help people figure it out for themselves.

 

I'm not saying that you should never give your friends opinions or advice.  But what I am saying is that 1. you should only give it when asked, and 2. when friends are "crying on your shoulder" they rarely want to hear you tell them what they should do.  They usually need someone to listen.

[Guest KingJunk]

You Gotta love the words of the Hippie Chik!

[[RIP]saint52]

I still say burn his house down >

[Rage75]

HippieChik ]

It has been my experience in life and as a parent that REGARDLESS of what kind of input, advice, or opinions you give a person about any situation that they may be in (especially crappy relationships), people have to go through it and learn for themselves. You can talk until you are blue in the face and VERY rarely will someone decide based on your "opinion" that they will follow your advice and do. If King told his friend today, "Your boyfriend is a loser and you need to dump him because you deserve better," I highly doubt she would say, "Yeah, ok, you're right!" and then dump the boyfriend. Why do you think that therapists never tell a person what they should do? They lead/guide people to the solution through thought provoking questions and conversation. They help people figure it out for themselves.

 

I'm not saying that you should never give your friends opinions or advice. But what I am saying is that 1. you should only give it when asked, and 2. when friends are "crying on your shoulder" they rarely want to hear you tell them what they should do. They usually need someone to listen.

 

I'm not denying that fact that people need to go through things on their own, however, the point I was trying to make is that to me, a friend doesn't turn a blind eye. Asked or not, if something is an obvious problem it typically comes up in regular conversation. Again, in my own opinion I don't think you need to be "asked" to discuss something with a friend. The therapist analogy was great Hippie and exactly what I was saying. Friends talk about things, not ignore them.

 

I don't think the original poster was asking if he should force his opinion and be aggressive about it. My suggestion is to just bring it up casually and see how she really feels. With the stuff the guys doing to her, I don't think it would be hard to ask here whats up with that when she brings it up.

[HippieChik]

KingJunk ]

Now, should I just sick back and say nothing, as long as she is happy or should I step in and voice my opinion and tell her to drop him because I know she can do better!

 

Here is what King asked.  Obviously this girl is happy with her current relationship and King is the one who has a problem with it.  In that case, it is not King's business to step in and tell her to lose this guy because HE doesn't approve.

 

Now if she was coming to King and "crying on his shoulder" about this guy, gentle guidance towards the obvious would certainly be warranted.  But stepping into a relationship and voicing his disapproval is straight up putting your nose where it doesn't belong.

[Guest Skipper]

I get the whole "none of my business" thing. But if I'm in your shoes Junk, I would open my mouth.

 

I'd say: I don't like this guy, I think he's bad for you......but I support your decision. If you are happy with him then so am I. This is just between you and I, I won't make it hard on the two of you.

[GOAT]

UNCLE-SID25 ]

Yeah when your married I hear you never get to have sex again.. I also hear when you do, you are only fooling yourself if you think it is as great as when you 1st met. :-X

 

*Sid Pwns the inslaved!

 

Oh come on now sid! you still get to have sex..... Christmas.. Your Birthday... and during black outs (nothing else do to when the electricity is out!) also during the black out you it's not that hard to fool yourself in to believing your having sex with a different woman..

 

;D ;D

 

 

p.s. on the girlfriend thang.. stay out of it... even when and if the dude breaks her heart just be there for her... and than go find the dude and beat the living crap out of him.

[[LA]MAXIMUS666]

Goat ]

UNCLE-SID25 ]

Yeah when your married I hear you never get to have sex again..  I also hear when you do, you are only fooling yourself if you think it is as great as when you 1st met. :-X

 

*Sid Pwns the inslaved!

 

Oh come on now sid! you still get to have sex.....  Christmas.. Your Birthday... and during black outs (nothing else do to when the electricity is out!) also during the black out you it's not that hard to fool yourself in to believing your having sex with a different woman..

 

;D ;D

 

 

p.s. on the girlfriend thang.. stay out of it... even when and if the dude breaks her heart just be there for her... and than go find the dude and beat the living crap out of him.

Wow! I was actually able to read an entire "Goat's opinion" post. I guess size does matter.

[[RIP]saint52]

Or burn his house down:) ;D

[Deutscher75]

saint52 ]

Or burn his house down ;D

 

lol