great one liners

[xViCaRiouSx]

im bored so heres a few one liners that i enjoy

 

 

so i said do u love me and she said NO but that a real nice ski mask!!

 

 

 

rectum?!?!?!? damn near killed him.

[[OHM] COL.GRINDER]

him: Oh baby you dont have any tits but you sure are tight.

Her: shutup drunk and get off of my back

[1lostsoul]

she said to give her 12 inches and make it hurt..

 

so i stuck it in her twice and hit her in the head with a brick!

[Guest OMNI]

take my wife...please

 

 

^^^^^true classic 1 liner

 

 

Can it be a 1 liner, if it's 2 lines?

 

 

-Omni

[AminalMotheR]

this was always a fun prank call

 

prank caller -"Your cat's in my garden"

 

unsuspecting old lady -"I don't have a cat"

 

PC - "I dont have a garden!"

 

 

or the ole...

 

PC - "Hi I am the local refrigerator repair man. Just calling to see if your refrigerator is running"

 

"Yes"

 

"Well ya better go catch it!"

[Guest OMNI]

Ok, I think before this get's out of hand, we need to clarify what a ONE liner is exactly. I thought a one liner was a joke that consisted of......ONE LINE....go figure

 

 

 

-Omni

[[OHM] COL.GRINDER]

Little boy blue.

 

 

 

Look this steaks still got the marks on it where the jocky was beating it.

 

Whats a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

 

You have lovely blond hair, why do you die your roots black?

[[OHM] COL.GRINDER]

There ya go OMNI

 

I hope that meets your high standards for this very formal thread.

[Guest H.A.V.0.C]

COL.GRINDER ]

There ya go OMNI

 

I hope that meets your high standards for this very formal thread.

You have too excuse OMNI to him, everything and I mean EVERYTHING has to be 100% by the book in explanation and in execution. LOL.... but he means well.. he's just anal in that way, very technicality oriented...but we love him for it.

[Guest OMNI]

H.A.V.0.C ]

COL.GRINDER ]

There ya go OMNI

 

I hope that meets your high standards for this very formal thread.

You have too excuse OMNI to him, everything and I mean EVERYTHING has to be 100% by the book in explanation and in execution. LOL.... but he means well.. he's just anal in that way, very technicality oriented...but we love him for it.

 

 

lol...yes grinder it does...and thank you...

 

Havoc, I cannot deny what you say, but I mean c'mon. The one liner and a standard joke are two seperate things. And with that being said....here are several 1 liners from my favorite classic comic...W.C. Fields

 

 

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

 

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

 

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

 

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

 

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).

 

And of course....

 

Never give a sucker an even break.

 

-Omni

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SOTG Savage]

Yippy Kiy Yay Muther F%$#@r

 

one of the best....

[Guest [iLL] Andawg]

"uhhhhh There was one?"

[Nemesis]

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

 

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."

 

"You're gonna need a bigger boat "

 

"I Live In A Van Down By The River"

 

"Bond. James Bond"

 

"The Dude Abides"

[[LA]Edmaster]

Die Hard:

 

"I sure hope that wasn't a hostage..."

 

Last Man Standing:

 

"You wouldn't shoot a man in the back, now, would you?"

 

Pulp Fiction:

 

"That's 30 minutes away... I'll be there in 10."

 

"You feel that sting, big boy, huh? That's pride F***IN' with you! You gotta fight through that s***!"

 

"What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' n*****s, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass."

 

"I'm prepared to scour the the Earth for that motherf***er. If Butch goes to Indochina, I want a n***** waiting in a bowl of rice ready to pop a cap in his ass."

 

"If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions."

[SEQUOYAH]

Little boy blue....he needed the money

 

 

Jack and jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter...Jill came down with 2.50

 

 

[Deadcity]

HOLY SHITBALLS

[o-BacklasH-o]

"He gives 110 percent 90 percent of the time, and I yell at him the other 10 percent." Yogi Berra

[Chaka]

FUCK YOU PAY ME

[UNCLE-SID25]

If the salmon smells too fishy- dont eat it.

 

[R.O.L.A.N.D]

I'm as nervous as one legged man in an ass-kickin contest

 

I'm as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs

[CZambrano]

go cook me a fucking sandwich

[Guest SLIPPY]

From Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back...

 

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THE INTERNET"

[[APC]INVICTU5]

"I Think I Shit Myself"

[SEQUOYAH]

I once owned a 3 legged dog. His name was TRIPOD!

[AminalMotheR]

"Thats what she said"