Guest [+30]PuddyTat Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 This is following is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the State of Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality. This response is hilarious, but read State's letter before you get to the response letter. SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; LycomingCounty Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions. Sincerely, David L. Price District Representative and Water Management Division. Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County Dear Mr. Price, Your certified letter dated 12/17/05 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.' I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.) I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names. If you want the stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them. In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump! Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office. THANK YOU, RYAN DEVRIES &THE DAM BEAVERS Quote
SnowBud Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 LMAO Well played sir, well played Quote
[RIP]saint52 Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 LOL Perfect...I have to deal with the EPA and DEP everyday...so its nice to see someone take it to them Quote
Guest Stealthknight Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 Nice, Couldnt have put it better myself. Quote
TOW-19 Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 That was outrageous. They had every right to send that letter. The government was the FIRST to know that beavers are, in fact, the devil's nut hairs of the world. Quote
crater1 Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 dam those dam beavers are dam tricky Quote
firenurhole Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 Funny...but the sad part is...the government probably referred it for elevated enforcement action. They probably read the response and did not understand it. Quote
firenurhole Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 further investigation...looks like someone took the original letter and changed some of it..like the location.. http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.asp Quote
Hi-VoLTaGe- Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 Very clever letter, I enjoyed it immensely. I love government idiots that have no practical knowledge about their job. Quote
PhillyMac Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 That is absolutely HILARIOUS! ;D Quote
Guest [+30]PuddyTat Posted January 25, 2008 Report Posted January 25, 2008 saint52 ]LOL Perfect...I have to deal with the EPA and DEP everyday...so its nice to see someone take it to them im with you saint. we vave to deal with the DEQ, EPA, and BLM everyday, and it is a bunch of horsecrap what we have to go through daily. Quote
DK_Deadly_Intent Posted January 26, 2008 Report Posted January 26, 2008 that was pretty dam good ;D ;D Quote
o-BacklasH-o Posted January 26, 2008 Report Posted January 26, 2008 That's hilarious, nice find! Quote
Guest Skipper Posted January 26, 2008 Report Posted January 26, 2008 "You know where I can find some dam bait?" (movie referrence) Quote
IRISH BULL Posted January 26, 2008 Report Posted January 26, 2008 That is great. I would have loved to seen the face on that government lacky when he read that response. Quote
Chili327 Posted January 26, 2008 Report Posted January 26, 2008 Skipper ]"You know where I can find some dam bait?" (movie referrence) Vegas Vacation..!? (I doubt it, but it was the first thing that came to mind) Good find on that letter.! Quote
RNG187 Posted January 26, 2008 Report Posted January 26, 2008 our government officials can read? OH SHIT. Quote
xREVERENDx Posted January 26, 2008 Report Posted January 26, 2008 thanks puddy. I needed a good laugh about now... ;D Quote
![Guest [+30]PuddyTat](https://www.urgentfury.com/uploads/set_resources_19/84c1e40ea0e759e3f1505eb1788ddf3c_default_photo.png)
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