pito
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that's crazy, I would have shot them and take the risk
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^^^^^ That clown lookin thing freaks me the hell out
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Sunday School Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, Tell me, Mary, who created the universe? When Mary didnt stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. God Almighty ! shouted Mary and the teacher said, Very good and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, Who is our Lord and Savior? But Mary didnt even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. Jesus Christ! shouted Mary and the teacher said, Very good, and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, Ill break it in half! The Teacher fainted.
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10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty 1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shafts all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I cant get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. Ive got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
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we still love ya. Come on socom...It's been forever
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Italian mother Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner... who lives with a female roommate Maria... During the course of the meal, his mother couldnt help but notice how pretty Anthonys roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two,and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his moms thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates." About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, Ive been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You dont suppose she took it, do you?" Well, I doubt it, but Ill e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote; Dear Momma, Im not saying that you did take the sugar bowl from my house, and Im not saying that you did not take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Anthony Several days later, Anthony received a response e-mail from his Momma which read....... Dear Son, Im not saying that you do sleep with Maria, and Im not saying that you do not sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now. Love, Momma. Lesson: Never lie to your momma
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CIA Training The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her The man said, You cant be serious. I could never shoot my wife. The agent said, Then youre not the right man for this job. The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. I tried, but I cant kill my wife. The agent said, You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home. Finally, it was the womans turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.
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Nice war --> , by far the toughest war we had in this tourney. Like disciple had mentioned, when u guys took over our base and I was the last one left on my side. My jaw dropped and it was a hell of a match. I give u guys mad props. I can't wait for the next one. -PiT0-
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age doesn't matter i think. I think the number or yrs u play socom gives u an advantage becuz every new socom release u should be getting better. You have more knowledge about the game, better tactics, and u become a better leader for ur clan or just in a regular room. I will prob die having a heart attack on this game. Age doesn't matter -PiT0-
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i started playing socom when i was 13 for the first socom 1. I wish i didnt use my headset, cuz i remember i used to play wit a good friend of mine(had a high sweaky voice), and everytime he talked we got voted. My bro plays but not wit a mic and gets good numbers like his big bro. -PiT0-
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The Speed Ticket A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding. Officer: May I see your drivers license? Driver: I dont have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owners card for this vehicle? Driver: Its not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: Thats right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owners card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: Theres a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. Thats where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: Theres a BODY in the TRUNK??? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Whos car is this? Driver: Its mine, officer. Heres the owner card. The driver owned the car. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if theres a gun in it? Driver: Yes, sir, but theres no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said theres a body in it. Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body. Captain: I dont understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didnt have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: Yeah, Ill bet the lying son of a bitch told you I was speeding, too.
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Autopsy Class An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear. Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpses anus and licked it. Now you must do the same, he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed. Second, the professor continued, you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this mans anus, but licked my index finger?
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If anyone is interested---SOCOM II TONIGHT SAT 9:30CST---
pito replied to UNCLE-SID25's topic in Playstation
Now the next question is how long have you been sleeping on that game? I was sleeping next to the game. I will never sleep on top of it, who do u think i am? -
If anyone is interested---SOCOM II TONIGHT SAT 9:30CST---
pito replied to UNCLE-SID25's topic in Playstation
damn i missed it. I couldnt find my socom 2 disk. And then as i lay down in bed getting ready to go to sleep i moved my arm and felt my socom 2 case. It was horrible -
If anyone is interested---SOCOM II TONIGHT SAT 9:30CST---
pito replied to UNCLE-SID25's topic in Playstation
will u be putting up nightstalker for one of the maps? ^^^^^^^ Best socom map ever developed -
probably not -PiT0-
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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didnt like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didnt often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbits wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!†and rode off as fast as he could.
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Sex for the first time A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms hed like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. Oh, Im so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girls parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, I had no idea you were this religious. The boy turns, and whispers back, I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.
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cBF we always have great wars, sad to see u go so soon, but i'm sure i'll see u guys around. You guys are a stand up clan and u guys are always welcome in our rooms. -PiT0
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Teaching Manners A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause were going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We dont use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."
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lol that must hurt though
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ok my foot will be in my mouth for the remainder on this topic. :-X
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da3S-BRM1PM the sawmill shot is legit in my book. You can get shot but u have to be pretty damn good wit the rifle and a high scope
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Like the way you think Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?" Little Johnny:- "None Miss". Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?" Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away". Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking." Little Johnny:- "Miss, while were asking questions, could I ask you one?" Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then" Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?" Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one." Little Johnny:- "Well Id have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking."
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The Cannibal Test Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, I brought ten apples. The king then explained the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or youll be eaten. The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it? The second one replied, I couldnt help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.